USA Email Series 4: Blackpool, first dates and the 3rd Dimension

(First sent: 1st July 2009)

Hi all,

This week some sad news, as the New York skyline is behind me. I'm actually a bit depressed to leave after such an ace time, but, it's a good job I am though because it's very expensive and it means that the 'holiday' is over. Now it's time for travelling.

Leaving the city was easy enough, but the night before was hell. A group from the hostel were heading out to a nightclub and despite every instinct telling me to go (especially when 2 Swedish sisters were forcibly dragging me out of the door - they failed when they elected to sing tunes from The Little Mermaid to woo me (?)) I eventually declined and had a few beers with them that stayed behind.

Hosteling is a weird life and you find that interesting people just turn up, and so it went, as a couple arrived from Toronto and were interested to hear I was off to Niagara. Unfortunately, they weren't exactly brimming with praise for the place, so at 5:30 in the morning I headed for Penn Station not really knowing what to expect.

Niagara falls is a very strange town. Not so much a place to live as a magnet for tourists. So far in the States I've been impressed at the lack of chav types. Sure, there are run down areas, but there's altogether a better class of bum. But Niagara is exactly like Blackpool, sans the charm. I'm telling you, this place has plastic bowling alleys, a 'Louis' Tussuad's waxworks, crappy arcades, the friggin works. I couldn't believe they had made this beautiful landmark into a sideshow to a scumbag holiday. Luckily, the falls are truly spectacular, but balls to that when there's a 'Ripley's Believe it or not' to look round for the bargain price of $22. Countries are countries, but idiots are still idiots.

Sample conversations / interactions from Niagara include some frat boys, upon seeing me and my pal Kevin walking up the road, leaned out of their Pontic Globalwarmifier to yell 'Awwww your first date' in an annoying Stiffler-esq voice that I thought they were putting on. Their faces dropped just a bit when they saw that they didn't get a rise out of us and had to make do with regarding my confused and bedazzled face - I really couldn't believe what I was seeing was true. Also, whilst watching the fireworks over the falls last Thursday, this exchange took place:

American woman: Hey hon, it's pretty godamn beautiful isn't it?
Her husband: Right.
AW: You know...?
HH: What's that?
AW: Kinda reminds me....
HH: Of what?
AW: Like, the fireworks and the lights?
HH: Uh hu?
AW: They're so bright and intense. It kinda looks like it's they're in 3D....

Hmmmm. The popular myth is that the Americans aren't mental giants, but I'm beginning to think that a major reason they failed to win the war in Vietnam was that they were constantly amazed by things not being on TV: "Kinda looks like they're shootin at us Sarge...", "Quick, Private, change the channel"

Idiotholes.

Still, moving south to Chicago after an overnight train ride seems to be proving to be a good move. It's raining today, but last night I fully watched a man called Quintus McCornicle playing old time blues while I sipped icy cold beers. I was so impressed, the Swiss and Kiwi gents that I'm with were briefly abandoned so I could sit at the bar and have a moment.

Anyways, this mail is a bit short because my time is up - list of things done to follow after I hit the museums later, but there are some pics on the sweet facebook.

Byeloveyoubye

...I never did publish that list of things that I had done, so overall this part of the trip isn't particularly well covered. As it happened, me and my good friend Kevin headed out to a vineyard and a wonderful small town outside of the horror that was the Falls themselves, so all was not lost. An afternoon sipping the famous ice wines of the Canadian vineyards and looking out over the vast and daunting Lake Ontario made for one of the highlights of the trip. Being able to take in the 'Canadian Ballet' as well was a particular highlight for my jaded soul...